The Pirate Movie: More movie than ever before!

Last week we watched The Pirate Movie - a classic from the Apologetic Bartender's childhood. Amazingly, Uncle P was willing to watch it again - probably because drinks were involved!

Let's get straight to the good stuff. First, the trailer:



The best parts:

1. Most of the dialog seemed to have to do with sex. Here are a few awesome examples from the dialog:

Mabel: You'll be hung!
The Pirate King: Oh I am, I am, and very well thank you.

Mabel: Frederic, you're not gay, are you?
Frederic: [high voice] No!
[clears throat and in a lower voice]
Frederic: No.
Mabel: The way you and the Pirate King get around in those rather feminine, pleated shirts and all that leather.
Frederic: Mabel!
Mabel: Hey! I'm not prejudiced. I mean, what does this country got a navy for? Screw 'em if they can't take a joke!
Frederic: You're weird.
Mabel: All kidding aside, tell me this. Are you a virgin?
Frederic: I don't know.
Mabel: Near enough.

Mabel: Frederic, these are the 1880s. You can't live your life by the outmoded conventions of a neo-imperialist society. Find your true center!
Frederic: What? You mean Zen piracy?
Mabel: [unlaces her shirt and pulls it down to show her corset] Frederic, have you ever worn a whalebone corset? Well no, we established that, didn't we? It chokes and strangles, Frederic! I won't be choked and strangled by someone else's dumb ideas of custom and duty!
[to stone statue]
Mabel: Would you Harry, would you?
[to Frederic]
Mabel: Never to know the rich and real, wondrous person beating and throbbing inside me. Frederic, can you see me throbbing?
Frederic: I see! I see! I'm throbbing too!

Frederic: Lately I've been restless. I've been consumed by some... inner fire, and all I think about are girls.
Ruth: [Grabbing onto Frederic] I've waited 20 years for this!
The Pirate King: [Pulling Ruth off of Frederic] The sea, Frederic, is a jealous mistress. But she is her own reward. Believe me, you've missed nothing.
The Pirate King: [to other pirates] Tell him men, have you missed anything these 20 years at sea?
Other pirates: [Yelling in unison] SEX!

2. Also, the writers seemed to be obsessed with the Rolling Stones, as is demonstrated by this quote:

Major-General: Man, I'm older than the Beatles, but I'm younger than the Rolling Stones!

Hmmm, perhaps this movie was secretly financed by Keith Richards???? Maybe this was an early indication of his strong desire to play a pirate, which he was finally able to realize in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.

3. As in every good 80s music, there are some amazing songs with great dance scenes.



I wonder wonder what their definition of "Happy Ending" was...

4. And of course, it wouldn't be an 80s musical without the animated scene:



Pretty awesome loin-cloth, no?

--> A side note: Yesterday morning the Cougar Magnet woke up with a medley of tunes from 80s movies stuck in his head. I was serenaded with Pumpin' and Blowin' followed by Magic from Xanadu.

5. After watching the movie, we decided to look up the Wikipedia entry. One of the best part was in the plot description, which said "Kristy McNichol plays Mabel Stanley, an introverted girl yearning for popularity in a seaside community in Australia." AUSTRALIA????? At no time during the movie did we realize it was suppose to take place in Australia.

Drink Recipe: The Jolly Dick Richard

1 shots vodka
Some fresh coconut juice with fresh coconut shavings
Fresh lime juice (yes, we really did put the lime in the coconut...)
a splash of ginger ale

Unprotected Sax

We were recently discussing sax players in movies and music videos from the 80s. It dawned on us that Timmy Capello had quite the career! Be sure to check out his fan site. 

Not only does he have an amazing solo in Tina Turner's "We don't need another hero" (He shows up around 3:06):



but he's also feature in one of the greatest 80s teen-focused vampire movies (take that Twilight!):



Two things you should observe about Timmy during this time:

1. His muscles are so huge that no shirt can contain him.

2. He has fine motor control in his pelvic region.


We currently don't have a drink for him, but I'm sure the Apologetic Bartender will come up with something great!

TEEN WITCH: One of the scariest movies I've ever seen.

So, last week, in the spirit of Halloween we chose to watch the quirky, teenage fantasy/"comedy" TEEN WITCH. I don't think any of us were properly prepared for the content of this 1989 classic.
Rocket Smith had dazzled us with her past two movie choices so I was looking for something really bad.... luckily, this one did not disappoint. In fact it was so painfully awesome that it inspired the name of this entire blog...and earned it.
I was the only one of us that had actually seen this gem. I watched and enjoyed it as a nine year old girl and was so excited to present it to the group.

This movie embraces a time when people where transitioning out of the crazy over the top style of the 80's into the frumpy fashion movement of the 1990's. It was also a time when rap had broken through to mainstream suburbia and created groups like New Kids On The Block. Which made popular the idea that being "tough" was getting together with your buddies and making up dance routines. Man, those were the days.

More things we love about this movie

-the plot, or lack there of. I know the movie was suppose to be about a teenage girl that finds out she's a witch with special powers but after they established that, the movie just turned into series of zany moments that made very little sense....making it awesome!

-the fact that every time we would all think that this movie couldn't get any worse it would surprise us with the next scene that would somehow be worst than the last.

-the type casting of Zelda Rubinstein as the strange palm reading witch Madame Serena.

-Dick Sargent playing the Teen witch's father.

-The creepy dream sequence with the hunky Brad.

-One of Cougar Magnet and Uncle Pete's favorite scenes was when the cheerleaders show off their new routine in the locker room "it's so fab"!


- But, we could all agree, our favorite scene in the entire move was when Louise (teen witch) conjures up her powers to make her best friend cool enough to rap with the white boys in "Top That". If there is only one scene you remember from this movie it will be this one.....get ready.



-My favorite was hearing Uncle Pete trying to sing "I'm hot and you're not"

Drink Recipe: Uncle Pete calls this one the Christine O'donnell
1.5 shot of vodka
2 tablespoons of blackberry puree
1 table spoon of simple syrup (or sweeten to taste)
and a splash of soda for fizz

SCAAARY!!!!